So I have been soul searching lately. Trying to figure out the many causes of my depression.
I think that intimacy has a great deal to do with it, or lack there of.
Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity. As a verb "intimate" means "to state or make known".
Much of this is lacking in my personal relationship.
Now don't make the mistake and confuse intimacy for sex.... My partner likes to do that!
Intimacy is a fundamental human need. One in which I still continue to need.
I try to compare how the lack of intimacy makes me feel. I feel like I am an orphan. Left all alone in my crib with no one to hold me or talk to me all day long. Eventually, the child will shut down. That's where I feel I am at. Shut down mode.
This is the biggest aspect of what makes me feel sad and depressed.
I need to work on this and find a way to get this aspect of my relationship functioning the way it should. My partner is very closed off and hard to reach.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Intimacy and Depression
Posted by kimmiekat at 4:27 PM
Labels: depression, intimacy, love, relationship, sex
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4 comments:
I have been there.. Know that you are certainly not alone. One thing I have learned, as I have gone through wishing my husband could be what I want him to be, is this: You can't change a person. You can only change the way you look at a person. It could be that your partner is closed off because he is protecting himself from judgement. Learn to accept him for who he is, sit back and listen whenever he has something to say, even if it's just how his day went at work, and give him your undivided attention. Hopefully, he will let his guard down and open up.
That said, if you are feeling down or depressed do somethig for yourself. You can only take care of your loved ones to the best of your ability if you are taking care of yourself, too.
Sorry, for the take-over of your comments. It's just something I've dealt with, and feel close to.
Feel free to email me if you ever need to vent.
Thank you so much. I will start to pay more attention to how I am behaving as well.
This is a very worthy goal. Good wishes to you.
For some men, sex *is* intimacy. Perhaps you can find him to be a little more "open" after the sex... Or, if he's a sleeper after sex, maybe you can try what the manuals say to do with teen-age boys: talk to them when the two of you are doing something together where you are not looking at each other, like cutting up stuff in the kitchen, or like driving, or something.
Just trying to help a bit.
Though, on second thought, maybe not a good way to "introduce" myself...
::shrugs::
Sorry.
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