So, In keeping with reasons why I think I'm depressed and tackling them one at a time.
I think Feeling like a failure has a lot to do with it.
I know that I am not a failure, but at time, I just can't help feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of being a failure.
So let's start with motherhood.
I am a good mom and I have really great kids..So why would I feel like this?
Here are a few reasons, just recently....
Let's start with Nathaniel, the 13 year old...
It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I can't get him to keep his grade up past mid year. We do this every year. He is above in grade level, just turned 13 and is almost done with his freshman year. Every year after Christmas, the grades start to fall.
I blame myself. If I checked his homework more often. Had more communication with the teachers. Allowed less Phone time etc....
Then we go to Sage, the pre-pubescent 10 year old.
She is driving me nuts!!!!!! Anyone else here with me on this age??
She has such an attitude lately. She refuses to do her chores unless she gets punished. She talks back, screams and yells and slams doors. Since when is any of that ok??
So of course, she gets punished. I'm felling pretty ok about that until she tells me how I don't love her and I should stop pretending to love her. But that she just needs to live her so could I leave her alone and just let her live here......
And then we have the little one. Lincoln is 13 months. He is absolutely amazing. He is such a happy child, and really smart.
But then we have dad that spoils and gives in. All my hard work during the day of setting boundaries...Gone. And yet I am with him so much more than Dad, but the bad habits stick.
We can't harldy go out to eat with him, he screams and yells.
I don't really feel like a failure of a mom with him, just as an educator with my partner for how we need to raise him.
And now I am completely frustrated and lost.
How can I help myself maintain the positive thought s of all the things I do that are good and correct and stop dwelling ont he bad things. Which are not as often occuring as the positive...
This is my goal for the remainder of today. One day at a time. Focus on the good and positive.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Failure
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Just remember: Life comes with failures, and you have to accept them.
It also has a lot to do with perception though. Maybe you're just expecting too much out of yourself?
Also, children are not going to be perfect. No one is, ever.
I know you've said you're trying to combat the depression sans drugs, but have you been tested for indogeneous (clinical) depression? A chemical imbalance, which I've had 3 times in about 25 years, is very hard to beat without the drugs to reset the synapses!
Please get tested! See a psychiatrist who has experience in this type of depression and see what he or she has to say. If they don't test, they're not doing it right! And if they don't monitor, they're not doing it right!
Hope you aren't offended by my comments but my last bout lasted almost 5 years until we found the right med combination and then it was over in less than 6 months!
Take care of yourself.
Thank you so much for your advise. I am currently still breastfeeding and cannot take any medication until I am done with that. I will get tested though.
Lord knows that I was a terror when I was a 13 year old boy. Very difficult age, conflicts everywhere.
Chin up. I like your poetry site by the way.
Hi there! Thank you for stopping by my blog!!!
I have an almost 13 year old son, and although we homeschool, he can still be lazy when it comes to his schoolwork, and also with chores. He gets disciplined, but at the same time, we need to keep encouraging him too. What we say (and even don't say) has a huge affect on our kids!!
I also have another preteen daughter (12 in May) who also can get an attitude once in awhile. BUT, we nip that in the bud immediately. It's really a "heart" thing, so it's not so much changing their attitude,but finding out what's going on in their heart. There's a verse in the bible that says, "Out of the mouth the heart speaks."
But, there definitely has to be consequences to what they do, or don't do. Don't wait. You have to have those boundaries and stick to them!!!
It's hard to stay consistent, but we have to as parents!!
As far as your baby..have you talked to your hubby about the struggle you're having? Both of you need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. If not, the kids will know, and there will be nothing but chaos.
I hope I helped, and I hope I did not offend you in any way. Having kids the same age, I totally understand the frustration!!
Ummm... Maybe you'll be wishing I never found your blog, but...
I'm commenting *again*.
I have two daughters, one almost 18 and one 19.
While reading what you had to say about Sage, I was thinking maybe you need to do with her what I started doing with my oldest.
1) Do not yell. (The cardinal rule!) It will frustrate her, especially at first, because she's so frustrated and getting louder while you (seemingly) are perfectly calm and "grown up".
2) In many instances you can say, "Okay. You're almost grown up. What do *you* think is a good solution to this. Soon enough you'll be moving out and living on your own, and you'll have to start figuring this stuff out all by yourself. Now is a good time to start practicing being grown up. What do *you* think is best?"
You're calm. This makes her stop and think. (The first time I did it with my daughter, it really blew her mind! She hadn't thought of actually moving out and being on her own and all that it entails.) Then just be quiet and wait for her to figure out what is *really* the right thing.
3) Slamming doors is NOT okay. One time when I was in my teens, I slammed the door in a pubescent fit of anger and "outrage". My Dad didn't say a word. He merely came upstairs, took my door off the hinges, and took it out to the shed. He didn't say a thing. He didn't need to; his actions spoke volumes!
I had to dress/undress with my two older brothers a short distance down the hall. It was totally embarassing/humiliating! After an apology and a week of decent behaviour, he wordlessly put my door back up.
I never slammed a door again!
When we're in the middle of the "wonders" of parenthood, it's difficult to step outside of the picture and try to look at things from a neutral viewpoint. We're too caught-up in it all. It's usually *later* that we think of things we "should have" done.
I hope I'm helping
and NOT offending or hurting.
That's *not* my intention.
I'm on the "back-end" of my daughters being teen-agers, and I'm hoping to help you as yours approaches those delightful years. :-)
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