Girlfriend Rules Enforced!!!

So...we thought we were getting it under wraps when we limited the texting and the phone time to an hour a day. In a way, I think it made it just a little bit worse.
My girlfriend and her 4 boys, my godchildren, came over on Saturday. Just a little BBQ and some Apples to Apples....BTW, if you do not own this game, go out and buy it. You will have a great laugh.
Since people were over, Nathaniel decided to ask if his girlfriend could come over as well. No biggie. However, they seemed a bit too clinging. A few times I literally told him to remove his hands from her. Nothing that bad, just too close for my comfort.
All the kids went to the park, took skateboards etc...And low and behold, we didn't find out until this am...His skateboard is gone. Vanished, no where to be seen. Mind you, this is his prize possession. He loves this long board. He better for $300.00.
turn out, Sage gave it to him to carry home. He was too engrossed in his girlfriend that he gave it to his god brother to bring home. It came home, never made it in the house. Someone got sidetracked...No one realized until this am when he went to go get it to ride. And it is gone.
He was devastated and wanted to blame everyone but himself. I think heknew he should have been a bit more responsible with something he loved...But he was too busy walking his girlfriend inside and thinking someone else would take care of it.
So, we now have limited the time he has with her. She is a good girl, but he is just too involved at his point in his life, All he can focus on is her. And I'm just not ready for him to give up living his life and enjoying it to its fullest potential.
I'm sad, angry, upset and bummed out. It is hard to implement these types of rules. At the same time that I blame him for the skateboard, I am torn because I feel so utterly bad for his loss. Motherhood is rough!

He's Human Again

So, I decided to take away the phone...For the most part.

Once Nathaniel gets home from school, he's a 13 year old freshman in High school, he looses his phone. Once he shows proof that all homework is done, he has put an effort into studying, has read for 30 minutes and done his chores...He can have his phone from 8-9pm.

I was overridden by text messages and I just couldn't handle how much it was consuming his time.

And guess what, he is human again!

He socializes with the family, he is not so irritable and he smiles.
Can you believe it, he actually smiles. I never thought I would see the day!

Needless to say, I think this rule will maintain implements for quite some time.

No more text message frenzies!

One bubble at a time

Everything has stressed me out lately.
From the smallest of, "Does the trash need to go out?" to disciplining the kids.
It was time for a time out for MOM.

I feel amazing, one bubble at a time.

Tonight, after I put Lincoln to bed, I decided it was time for a bubble bath.

*** Really hot water
*** Candles
*** No lights
*** No music

And I feel amazing. Rejuvenated and refreshed.

Go and have yourself a bubble bath!!!!!

Drama Queen

And here she is, Miss America!!!!
Sage, beautiful as she is, tries me every day. She is such a joy to have around, until.....the attitude kicks in. I know it is an age thing, my beautiful Pre-Pubescent 10 year old.
I guess my mom was right when she told me that I would understand when I had a daughter of my own. And boy do i get it now, and then some.

Intimacy and Depression

So I have been soul searching lately. Trying to figure out the many causes of my depression.
I think that intimacy has a great deal to do with it, or lack there of.

Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity. As a verb "intimate" means "to state or make known".
Much of this is lacking in my personal relationship.

Now don't make the mistake and confuse intimacy for sex.... My partner likes to do that!

Intimacy is a fundamental human need. One in which I still continue to need.

I try to compare how the lack of intimacy makes me feel. I feel like I am an orphan. Left all alone in my crib with no one to hold me or talk to me all day long. Eventually, the child will shut down. That's where I feel I am at. Shut down mode.

This is the biggest aspect of what makes me feel sad and depressed.

I need to work on this and find a way to get this aspect of my relationship functioning the way it should. My partner is very closed off and hard to reach.

Waited All Day

Sometimes the silliness just takes over. I waited all day to get this shot. It is my son's backside..yes his butt. It was a challenge, he knew I wanted to take the picture and did whatever he could to keep me from getting it. But, he got caught at one of the animal exhibits, and I got the shot.

Failure Part 2

So yesterday I talked about feeling like a failure and all the reasons why. I also committed myself to thinking about all of the good and positive things.
I know its not the cure, but it was really helpful.
I didn't feel so dragged down and had energy to do the things I put off till the weekend, like laundry...

Now it wasn't all peaches and cream sitting around thinking about the good things. I still had my ups and downs as the rest of life still happens.

But I did feel better and a bit more energized.

I think it probably takes twice the amount of energy to focus on positive thought. No wonder the world is such a negative place. The negative thoughts just seem to be easier to identify with.

And when all else fails...I just look here. Beauty in such innocence. It keeps me calm.
Thank you for all of the comments. I should clarify, this is Lincoln. He is 13 months old.

Failure

So, In keeping with reasons why I think I'm depressed and tackling them one at a time.
I think Feeling like a failure has a lot to do with it.

I know that I am not a failure, but at time, I just can't help feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of being a failure.

So let's start with motherhood.
I am a good mom and I have really great kids..So why would I feel like this?

Here are a few reasons, just recently....

Let's start with Nathaniel, the 13 year old...
It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I can't get him to keep his grade up past mid year. We do this every year. He is above in grade level, just turned 13 and is almost done with his freshman year. Every year after Christmas, the grades start to fall.
I blame myself. If I checked his homework more often. Had more communication with the teachers. Allowed less Phone time etc....

Then we go to Sage, the pre-pubescent 10 year old.
She is driving me nuts!!!!!! Anyone else here with me on this age??
She has such an attitude lately. She refuses to do her chores unless she gets punished. She talks back, screams and yells and slams doors. Since when is any of that ok??
So of course, she gets punished. I'm felling pretty ok about that until she tells me how I don't love her and I should stop pretending to love her. But that she just needs to live her so could I leave her alone and just let her live here......

And then we have the little one. Lincoln is 13 months. He is absolutely amazing. He is such a happy child, and really smart.
But then we have dad that spoils and gives in. All my hard work during the day of setting boundaries...Gone. And yet I am with him so much more than Dad, but the bad habits stick.
We can't harldy go out to eat with him, he screams and yells.
I don't really feel like a failure of a mom with him, just as an educator with my partner for how we need to raise him.

And now I am completely frustrated and lost.

How can I help myself maintain the positive thought s of all the things I do that are good and correct and stop dwelling ont he bad things. Which are not as often occuring as the positive...

This is my goal for the remainder of today. One day at a time. Focus on the good and positive.

Living With Depression

So here it is. Yesterday was Easter and all out rebirth. I have been living with depression for about 3 years now. I am determined to get over it, without the help of drugs.
Crazy huh!
For me it is all about figuring out why I am in this place and what needs to change in my life to get out of it. What are drugs really going to do for me? They may help me feel better initially, but I'm not suicidal or anything.
I just don't feel like getting out of bed half of the time. But I do get out of bed, so it can't be that bad, right?
I have been visiting all of the reasons why I THINK that I am depressed. I plan to focus on one at a time. Well a different one each day and just go round and round in circles with it until it is fixed.
So, I will keep up journaling, out loud and hope to get it all figured out.

Happy Easter

To All,

I just wanted to send out a Happy Easter Blessing.
It is a wonderful day to be alive. We should rejoice in whatever it is we have. Good or Bad, Big or Small.

Happy Easter and may God Bless you all on this amazing day.

School Comes First

So once again, I get to be the bad guy.
My son, 13 and in high school, has let his grades slip.

I remember what is was like to have my first relationship. It was all consuming. And that is exactly where he is at. But things are different now. Technology has caused the allowance of all consuming to really be ALL consuming. Text messaging and the cell phone.
I remember when I was his age, cell phone were car phone...You didn't carry them around with you. Talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend was on a real phone, and that was times by your parents. Especially since there was no way they were getting me my own phone line.

But now, text messaging can seriously take hours a day, if you pay that close of attention to how often they are doing it. Because of this, grades have slipped and I get to be the bad one.

I first talked to him about how disappointed I was that he let this happen. The whole while thinking it is all my fault for not being more strict. And he had the nerve to tell me that he didn't understand why I was so upset that he is now an average student.

Average...I guess most of us parents will not settle for average. I sure know that I will not.

That just hit a sore spot with me, the fact that he thinks it is okay to settle for average, now that he has been consumed with text messaging his girlfriend.

And I went where I never thought I would. I explained that from now on he turns his phone over when he gets home from school and he will only be allowed to have it from 8-9pm. You would have thought that hell popped up out of the floor and swallowed us all up. Because if looks could kill, I'd be dead.
And I also told him that I would not allow him to have a girlfriend any more if he was unable to manage school, sports and her. he had the nerve to tell me he was going to give up football because he couldn't handle all of it.

Unlucky for him, I didn't take that too well.

So needless to say, discipline it is.

He will do better in school, follow his chores, play football and try to manage his girlfriend.

I had to be very strong about that fact that she would have to be the first thing to be dropped if he was having trouble managing his life.

Life is complicated, we need to learn to juggle all aspect sof it and not just let things slide to focus on what we think might be important.
Shoot, I can't give up my job to stay home. As much as I would like to and have a hard time juggling.

People Suck

I am just venting at the moment. But people really suck!
I took my 10 year old to see the Hannah Montana movie, which by the way was pretty good.
Once the movie was over, we left. She went to the restroom and then realized that she had left her purse in the seat.
She ran back to the movies, we had only been gone less than 5 minutes...And her purse was no longer there. The cleaning crew was already there and had yet to get to our row. They helped search with the flashlights...but no purse.
She didn't have much in it, about 10 dollars. But talk about devastation and a life lesson learned a little too early.
She is so upset with herself that she forgot it, but more devastated that someone would actually take it.
How do you explain to a 10 year old all the negativities of the world? They know its not perfect, but you don't want everything to be horrible at the same time.

Everyone can fun fun on It's a Small World


The music got him dancing.....

A family day affair at Disneyland

The most magical place on earth. It truly is a beautiful place to see.

Obsessed with Texting!!!

I just don't get it. Obsessed with texting. My 13 year old is obsessed with his phone. Does anyone speak to each other anymore?
So often I just let it go, but lately it has gotten to the point where I have to put my foot down. How ridiculous to have to discipline due to a phone.
Last night he was doing his homework and texting at the same time. My husband spoke to him about it and how he shouldn't be using his phone while he was doing his homework. All I heard was the aftermath.... I decided to back up my husband. I very calmly said, "you should not be using your phone while you are doing your homework." His response made me laugh. I'm not doing homework, I'm doing review. I wasn't aware that they were two different things.
I very calmly explained that I would remove his phone from his possession if he continued to use it while doing any type of school work. I then reminded him that I would continue to stick to the no phone rule between 5-7pm since he was unable to respect authority the first time.
Talk about being the evil one......
Mom is always the bad guy!!!

Are you constantly Saying No???

Do you find yourself saying no no no more than anything else to your toddler?
I have a one year old and he pushes limits like no other. When I am home alone with him, we do fairly well. I redirect him and distract him easily. But when everyone is home, all we hear is no no no. It literally sounds like a broken record. I am trying to break everyone of the habit...Or at least expand it to a full sentence encompassing what we are saying no about.
Language is one of the biggest factors in how we learn.
I am trying to get the older children to realize that a one year old can understand. It may not all sink in at one time, but the understanding is there.
Instead of just yelling no when he hits, I am trying to get them to say, "It is not OK to hit." At the same time to hold his hand so he is unable to hit while you explain this.
Right now it feels like an impossibility.
Slowly but surely we will get it worked out.