Girlfriend Rules Enforced!!!

So...we thought we were getting it under wraps when we limited the texting and the phone time to an hour a day. In a way, I think it made it just a little bit worse.
My girlfriend and her 4 boys, my godchildren, came over on Saturday. Just a little BBQ and some Apples to Apples....BTW, if you do not own this game, go out and buy it. You will have a great laugh.
Since people were over, Nathaniel decided to ask if his girlfriend could come over as well. No biggie. However, they seemed a bit too clinging. A few times I literally told him to remove his hands from her. Nothing that bad, just too close for my comfort.
All the kids went to the park, took skateboards etc...And low and behold, we didn't find out until this am...His skateboard is gone. Vanished, no where to be seen. Mind you, this is his prize possession. He loves this long board. He better for $300.00.
turn out, Sage gave it to him to carry home. He was too engrossed in his girlfriend that he gave it to his god brother to bring home. It came home, never made it in the house. Someone got sidetracked...No one realized until this am when he went to go get it to ride. And it is gone.
He was devastated and wanted to blame everyone but himself. I think heknew he should have been a bit more responsible with something he loved...But he was too busy walking his girlfriend inside and thinking someone else would take care of it.
So, we now have limited the time he has with her. She is a good girl, but he is just too involved at his point in his life, All he can focus on is her. And I'm just not ready for him to give up living his life and enjoying it to its fullest potential.
I'm sad, angry, upset and bummed out. It is hard to implement these types of rules. At the same time that I blame him for the skateboard, I am torn because I feel so utterly bad for his loss. Motherhood is rough!

Failure

So, In keeping with reasons why I think I'm depressed and tackling them one at a time.
I think Feeling like a failure has a lot to do with it.

I know that I am not a failure, but at time, I just can't help feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of being a failure.

So let's start with motherhood.
I am a good mom and I have really great kids..So why would I feel like this?

Here are a few reasons, just recently....

Let's start with Nathaniel, the 13 year old...
It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I can't get him to keep his grade up past mid year. We do this every year. He is above in grade level, just turned 13 and is almost done with his freshman year. Every year after Christmas, the grades start to fall.
I blame myself. If I checked his homework more often. Had more communication with the teachers. Allowed less Phone time etc....

Then we go to Sage, the pre-pubescent 10 year old.
She is driving me nuts!!!!!! Anyone else here with me on this age??
She has such an attitude lately. She refuses to do her chores unless she gets punished. She talks back, screams and yells and slams doors. Since when is any of that ok??
So of course, she gets punished. I'm felling pretty ok about that until she tells me how I don't love her and I should stop pretending to love her. But that she just needs to live her so could I leave her alone and just let her live here......

And then we have the little one. Lincoln is 13 months. He is absolutely amazing. He is such a happy child, and really smart.
But then we have dad that spoils and gives in. All my hard work during the day of setting boundaries...Gone. And yet I am with him so much more than Dad, but the bad habits stick.
We can't harldy go out to eat with him, he screams and yells.
I don't really feel like a failure of a mom with him, just as an educator with my partner for how we need to raise him.

And now I am completely frustrated and lost.

How can I help myself maintain the positive thought s of all the things I do that are good and correct and stop dwelling ont he bad things. Which are not as often occuring as the positive...

This is my goal for the remainder of today. One day at a time. Focus on the good and positive.

School Comes First

So once again, I get to be the bad guy.
My son, 13 and in high school, has let his grades slip.

I remember what is was like to have my first relationship. It was all consuming. And that is exactly where he is at. But things are different now. Technology has caused the allowance of all consuming to really be ALL consuming. Text messaging and the cell phone.
I remember when I was his age, cell phone were car phone...You didn't carry them around with you. Talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend was on a real phone, and that was times by your parents. Especially since there was no way they were getting me my own phone line.

But now, text messaging can seriously take hours a day, if you pay that close of attention to how often they are doing it. Because of this, grades have slipped and I get to be the bad one.

I first talked to him about how disappointed I was that he let this happen. The whole while thinking it is all my fault for not being more strict. And he had the nerve to tell me that he didn't understand why I was so upset that he is now an average student.

Average...I guess most of us parents will not settle for average. I sure know that I will not.

That just hit a sore spot with me, the fact that he thinks it is okay to settle for average, now that he has been consumed with text messaging his girlfriend.

And I went where I never thought I would. I explained that from now on he turns his phone over when he gets home from school and he will only be allowed to have it from 8-9pm. You would have thought that hell popped up out of the floor and swallowed us all up. Because if looks could kill, I'd be dead.
And I also told him that I would not allow him to have a girlfriend any more if he was unable to manage school, sports and her. he had the nerve to tell me he was going to give up football because he couldn't handle all of it.

Unlucky for him, I didn't take that too well.

So needless to say, discipline it is.

He will do better in school, follow his chores, play football and try to manage his girlfriend.

I had to be very strong about that fact that she would have to be the first thing to be dropped if he was having trouble managing his life.

Life is complicated, we need to learn to juggle all aspect sof it and not just let things slide to focus on what we think might be important.
Shoot, I can't give up my job to stay home. As much as I would like to and have a hard time juggling.

Obsessed with Texting!!!

I just don't get it. Obsessed with texting. My 13 year old is obsessed with his phone. Does anyone speak to each other anymore?
So often I just let it go, but lately it has gotten to the point where I have to put my foot down. How ridiculous to have to discipline due to a phone.
Last night he was doing his homework and texting at the same time. My husband spoke to him about it and how he shouldn't be using his phone while he was doing his homework. All I heard was the aftermath.... I decided to back up my husband. I very calmly said, "you should not be using your phone while you are doing your homework." His response made me laugh. I'm not doing homework, I'm doing review. I wasn't aware that they were two different things.
I very calmly explained that I would remove his phone from his possession if he continued to use it while doing any type of school work. I then reminded him that I would continue to stick to the no phone rule between 5-7pm since he was unable to respect authority the first time.
Talk about being the evil one......
Mom is always the bad guy!!!

Are you constantly Saying No???

Do you find yourself saying no no no more than anything else to your toddler?
I have a one year old and he pushes limits like no other. When I am home alone with him, we do fairly well. I redirect him and distract him easily. But when everyone is home, all we hear is no no no. It literally sounds like a broken record. I am trying to break everyone of the habit...Or at least expand it to a full sentence encompassing what we are saying no about.
Language is one of the biggest factors in how we learn.
I am trying to get the older children to realize that a one year old can understand. It may not all sink in at one time, but the understanding is there.
Instead of just yelling no when he hits, I am trying to get them to say, "It is not OK to hit." At the same time to hold his hand so he is unable to hit while you explain this.
Right now it feels like an impossibility.
Slowly but surely we will get it worked out.